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koutarou kurashiki

Let my art be the sound of my soul / Let it reminisce of the good times / Let it scribble the lines of the bad times / Let it bloom with excitement / Let my art be a representation of me / Just let it be me

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~~lemon leaf (landline)~~

This is Takao at Lemon Leaf at [street #, Apprassage]. I apologize for not being able to take your call at the moment, but leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as I'm able to.

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"I guess that means that you might be pretty busy between shifts then. It can be a lot to prepare for school, apparently more so when they're young." He's never raised a small child, so the only reference he has is from the parents of his students and Togusa and his mom, since there's a bit of an age gap between him and his brother.

Koutarou glances at the dark veins visible through his skin as he keeps his hands busy. "I was quite surprised as well, when I found out, but it's nice to have someone around who also is experiencing these... physical changes. It is a very odd thing for even one person to experience, though, I know."

Hikari is keeping Togusa quite busy, but he doesn't mind. He'd rather have this time in his daughter's life. He looks down as the tea brews, getting his thoughts in order. What Shuji had to say worried Togusa a lot.

"Can I ask about- the book, that you got? Tsushima-" another hesitation, before he looks up at Koutarou again for courage. "He said there was some kind of connection between himself and his book. That it might be the same for you. And that if something happened to the book, it might hurt you. That's-" He shakes his head. "It's silly, right?"

It is a precious time to be sure. Hectic but precious.

The books. Yeah, they're, pretty important to keep safe for them. "It's not silly. We're... They hold a part of our soul, and I suppose you could see is as, that the books ground us."

There's a reflexive twitch in Togusa's hand, an urge to reach out for Koutarou's hand that he holds back at the last second. "I- didn't know."

Although, Koutarou's tone doesn't seem to have changed. Togusa ponders for a second before slowly speaking. "But..this isn't a big deal to you, then? Shuji was very worried about it, saw it as a potential vulnerability. If it doesn't worry you? Then I won't let it worry me. It was just very unexpected."

"It's not that it's not a big thing, considering it's what tied us to the world when we were transmigrated. We simply have different attitudes toward our situation. But you don't need to let it worry you, because we'll be sure to keep our books safe."

It is true that it would be very bad if they broke and damaging them would not exactly be good either, but you can't fret too much about it or you won't be able to relax.

"Trans-hunh?" Togusa tilts his head to the side. "You remember living and dying through your normal life, then being brought back in this sort of existence? Tied to the book? That's what you mean?"

It rings truer that Koutarou is fretting less about it, he has always saved his concern for other things.

"Transmigrated, it's, I think it's an alchemy term." It's not like Koutarou knows a whole lot about alchemy though. "That is what I mean. That is what has happened to all of us summoned to the library."

A thought occurs, and Togusa puts his hand to his chin. "Is that why you're so much better adjusted to Retrospec? Because this has happened to you before?"

He doesn't doubt that, for Koutarou, this is just another part of his long, reincarnated life, even if Togusa cannot accept the same thing for himself.

"Oh?" That is actually something that he has not taken into consideration before, so as he hands Togusa his tea cup and put his own on the table, he has to give it some consideration. "It might be part of it." He sits down at the table. "But that would also be very subjective as well. Some of those that I know from there would not take it well at all."

The Chieko who was no longer by his side remaining in the nature where he could hear her might also have something to do with it.

A quiet 'thank you' as Togusa reaches to take his tea cup. He pauses with it in his hands, letting the tea cool as he listens to Koutarou. "Tsushima," he confirms with a nod. The man doesn't seem to be adjusting as well, he's closer to the boat that Togusa is in.

"You seem to have more faith than I do, in," a light stir of his tea cup, "whatever this is that's happening to us. I wish I could find a better peace with it, myself."

"I still believe the other Togusa's soul is out there. He exists. But so do I. And I want us both to be able to keep existing when this is done." There is a quiet fear that they won't have that option.

"Yeah, he's not been taking it very well." He's been taking it pretty damn bad at times, to be honest. Perhaps it has something to do with age as well. Shuji died at a much younger age than Koutarou did.

"I have faith in you, at some point you will be able to find some ease in it." He can't know when that will happen, but at some point.

He hums, rubbing a nail against the rim of his cup. "The soul is a complicated matter. For me and Shuji-kun, we have two lives fitted in one after the other with the same soul, but I don't know about this place. It feels a little peculiar, if they are still there at the same time as we are here." But maybe he's taking the thought of this being after another death so easily is because he's died before.

Togusa raises his teacup and blows across the surface, before taking a test sip. Mm.

"Do you think your own soul is at any kind of risk? If helping out these fragmented souls, guiding them along, letting them remember themselves from our lives? If it's the only way to help them, I'll gladly help. It almost feels like our duty to, respect to the ancestors and all."

"But while I struggle, from the outside, it looks like you've got the souls fitted in neatly, transitioning from one to another. Or maybe you're just in better harmony with both those lives?"

"You believe that it might be some form of risk to my soul involved?" Another thing he has not considered. He doesn't know what to think, honestly.

"I'm not sure about that. The way I see it... feel..? Is that this soul I have is only one. I am made with a recycled soul as a component in the first place, and one should recycle things as far as one is able, no? That's simply what this is, at least to me."

"It's what I'm afraid of," Togusa clarifies. "I don't have as much to go on, just the prevailing beliefs of everybody. It all seems to come down to one of three possibilities for when this process finishes."

He puts the teacup down so he can use his hands to illustrate. "One, that the other soul will replace our own. That our experiences don't matter, in the long run, and that as the other soul is replacing our bodies, we will cease to exist, too."

"Two, that we both exist, and that the other soul will return to their restored world, returning us to normal. Both our experiences matter, but are separate and discernable from each other."

"Three," and Togusa raises a hand to Koutarou, "that we are, as you say, recycled. That the both of us can coexist, with the experiences of our other being considered like a past life. And that we can continue on with our lives when this is done."

"I can hope for two or three? But I fear for one."

Koutarou listens closely to Togusa's words, to his worries. It's valid worries, certainly, and not impossible that something of those sorts might happen.

"As of yet, our experiences here still remain and matter. That is of course no guarantee that it will stay that way at the end, whatever the end may mean, but it is also an indication that it's possible that it will remain. Personally I would prefer to avoid the second, with the last being the best option out of all of them."

After all, he doesn't want to forget about the experiences that he has remembered. (And even though he doesn't remember the painful things at the moment, he would be of the same opinion if he did.)

"Yet, whatever it is that happens, would it feel right to you to not help?"

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